Sometimes Crap is Just What We Need
A few years ago I was sitting in a room full of people. The people were crying- grief, sadness, despair, fear, loneliness, brokenness, and feelings of abandonment were flooding the room. I was overcome as I saw it. My tears fell as I observed the pain that they were uncovering. I was so sad. And then. . . I was angry. I was really angry.
You see, we were finding the pain on purpose. We were holding space for one another to feel, process and release the painful experiences of our past. This therapeutic retreat was meant for this very thing- to see the crap we'd been through, to really acknowledge it, and to willingly begin fighting our way out of the thick sludge of darkness.
But I found myself angry. I found myself angry at God. I saw these people suffering, people whom I loved. And I started questioning, Why? Why would this be allowed to happen? Why were my dear friends put into these situations where they were hurt so badly? Why was the sludge allowed to land on them in the first place? Where was God in all of this?
The answer didn't come in that moment. I was allowed my anger. I let myself express it and feel it and even swim in it for a day or two. As the retreat neared its close, the anger passed. I felt the light touch into my heart. And with that Light came a message, "Melody, there is purpose in the pain. There is purpose in the darkness. There is purpose in the journey. I am with them always." And that was it. And it was enough. My heart softened. I began asking to see the purpose in the pain, the gift in the struggle, the beauty that was only available through living in darkness for a time. I began to look for the Light. And each time I looked, it was there.
As I sat to type this message this morning, in perfect timing and synchronicity, the picture above popped into my facebook newsfeed. Yet another witness that crap is merely fertilizer for our growth.
Much light and love,